Where Our Friend Has Gone
by today 4 you
Summary: Mark reflects on life after Angel's funeral, how life is different. Maureen, Joanne, Collins, and Mark meet an interesting stranger that helps them with their suffering.


**AN:** First fic posted. Be kind. I know this song may not fit exactly, but it does have special meaning to me as a funeral song. Please review, and I would love constructive criticism. How can I ever improve if no one tells me what is wrong?

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own RENT ( I don't even PAY rent for the characters), or the song "Song for a Friend". They belong to Jonathon Larson and John Stewart. I own nothing, not even a car.

**TIME FRAME:** This is sometime after Angel's funeral, but not that long after. Roger has already left for Sante Fe, Mimi has already split from rehab, and Benny isn't around at all.

**REASON:** This is dedicated to someone dear to me. He died almost exactly a year ago; they sang this song at his funeral.

I miss you JC and I hope heaven is everything you thought it was.

* * *

How could we lose Angel? Angel… he was so full of life… of hope. He brought everyone together, always cheering us on, always making us realize how much of a blessing life really was. But now…

Where is Angel? Where is our beloved friend?

Silence, that is all we share now as we gather together inside the Life Café. There is nothing for us to speak of, nothing. The funeral has robbed all forms of communication, or things to be said.

We stare, out of focus as the waiter glares at us for taking up space in his restaurant.

What did we come here for? Food? No, because none of us have the stomach for it. Memories? Probably. This… This is probably where we spent some of our happiest times together.

Now…

I just can't take it.

Collins… Oh God, Collins… He is such a mess. Twice I had to stop him from crossing a street so a car wouldn't hit him. His is in such a daze… It is like his soul, his life has already left and joined his lover wherever he is, leaving us with a hollow dummy of a man we all once knew.

Maureen and Joanne… They can't last one minute now without fighting. Angel… She was always good at getting them back together. Mimi and Roger, too. Things have gotten so tense between them. Roger… He's probably in Sante Fe now. And Mimi… I don't know where the hell she is anymore. She just… took off.

Nothing is the same anymore. Nothing. Not since Angel left.

Where is he?

Where has our friend gone? Wherever it is, I sure as hell doubt its heaven. Or if it is, what lousy place it must be! To steal away someone who is so loved down here to take them to a "better place" just so they can watch as the rest of us fall apart.

Ha, some heaven.

Where is Angel? Doesn't he know we need him?

"Can't you just ONCE consider my feelings?"

"Oh yeah? How can I NOT! You are always trying to control me because it makes you uncomfortable! You completely disregard who I AM!"

"What? What are you? Are you just some big flirt who HAS to go around making out with every single person you meet?"

"What!"

I nudge Collins.

He shifts his dead eyes to me. God, it hurts too much to look at him. I choke back a sob and whisper softly, "I think it is about time we go now," before gesturing to Maureen and Joanne. Slowly he nods before painstakingly getting out of his chair.

My God! He has completely lost his soul! He is nothing more than a robot that masquerades as our friend!

I turn away so he doesn't see my tears.

Where is Angel? Where is he?

Collins and I quickly follow the two fighting females out of the Life Café as countless passerbys stare out our small procession in amazement. I dodge their glances as we make our way down the cold, crowded streets.

"I can't believe how insensitive you are!"

"ME? Insensitive to you? What the hell are you on? Crack?"

I can't take this anymore. Their yelling, it is getting too much. Normally, I wouldn't mind, hope that they would break up and Maureen would come back. But now…

"Angel… Oh my Angel… Where have you gone?"

The faint, pleading sob stilled the rest of us. We all stare at Collins. Tears are streaming down his face. My heart breaks. I am surprised I have a heart that can break after going through Angel's funeral.

"_When you sit and wonder why things have gone so wrong and you wish someone would tell us where our friend has gone."_

My ears catch the sound of a song. I turn, along with Collins, Joanne, and Maureen to face a lone street performer only a few yards away from us. His head is bowed and his dark wispy hair covers his caramel-covered face from us. His clothes are ragged, and barely keep his thing body warm.

We all slowly approach him, entranced by his sad song.

"_Look then in the hills when there's courage in the wind and in the face of freedom and those who look to him."  
_

"_And search within the heart of ev'ry young man with a song then I think we'll know where our friend has gone."_

I see Angel in front of my eyes, more like a memory, but yet, it is like he is really there before me. Alive, drumming away in the inside of our loft. He is filled with such life… such energy.

"_Summer takes the winter as the good years take the pain. There'll be laughter in the land again but hearts won't be the same."_

"_And I know I'll remember when a chill wind takes the sky and speak of the years he gave us hope for they will never die."  
_

I can almost hear his song that fateful night we first met. How did that song go? Oh yes… Now I remember…. "Today for you, tomorrow for me." Then another memory comes and replaces it.

We are in Central Park and Angel is trying to teach Joanne how to drum. Roger is smiling and laughing, his arms wrapped protectively around Mimi. Maureen, shockingly, isn't off flirting with anyone, but watching Joanne and grinning like a hyena. Me, I am actually not alone, but sneaking up behind Angel with Collins, our hands filled with newly fallen leaves.

We dumped our leaves onto the Angel and Joanne's heads. Angel shrieks from surprise while Joanne is bewildered at what happened. I am holding my sides because I am laughing so hard. Angel, boy can he run! He is chasing Collins all around yelling at him for getting her dirty and interrupting her drum lesson for Joanne. Never once did he falter his chase with those high heels! Maureen giggles to herself as she helps pick the brightly colored leaves off her lover.

I had almost forgotten that day. But… It will never be the same. The next image that comes to my mind is Angel, stiff and stone cold, lying dead in his coffin. Ruthlessly that image overlaps the still running memory of that day in the park.

I feel vomit rise into my throat at the comparison of the jubilant, bubbly drag queen, to the lifeless body of our best friend.

Oh Angel…

"_And as we gaze at brave young men when yesterdays grow long, then I think we'll know where our friend has gone."_

The song ends, and we are left in silence. I… I can't even speak. Maureen and Joanne, they look at each other, both holding apologies in their eyes, before embracing each other like they were life preserves in the middle of the ocean.

Collins… he does something that blows me away: he smiles. A sad, sweet, loving smile. He chuckled a bit, which actually knocks me off my feet… I haven't heard him laugh in such a long time…

"Alright, Angel, my love. I hear you." That was all he says before he lifts his eyes up to the rest of us.

That smile…

He still has it, but it is different. It is now a full out grin. "Come on, let's go back to the loft."

I smile. Welcome back, Collins.

Maureen, Joanne, and Collins link arms and start off towards the loft. I follow, but hesitate as I pass the singer we heard earlier.

A faint wind blows the hair away from the strangers face. For a second, I see his face clearly.

"It can't be…" I stare transfixed at him, his eyes never leaving the grimy New York streets.

"Mark?" Joanne's voice breaks me from my thoughts. I look up and see the others waiting for me expectantly. "Are you coming?"

"Yes. Go on. I will catch up."

Collins shrugs as Maureen drags them off down the street. I chuckle as I hear Joanne complain about Maureen walking so fast.

Thing would never be the same, but at least they would get better.

I look to the sky before I follow.

"Thanks, Angel." A soft wind blows and ruffles my hair. I grin, I know he has heard me.

I tear down the street like a madman, grinning ear to ear, trying catch up with my friends.

* * *

The stranger looks up and follows the four friends with his eyes, a soft smile graces his lips before he enters the crowds on the streets, and disappears. 


End file.
